That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
