Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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