My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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