just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
