so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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