'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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