Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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