Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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