I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
