zippers are such a cool invention
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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