His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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