1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
