I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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