You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
