Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
