I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
