Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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