my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
