How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
smell my finger.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
