Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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