I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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