i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I see more hoeing in ur future
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