worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
