my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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