I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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