I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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