plz talk dirty to me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
