i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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