So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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