she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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