just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
