it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
