So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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