I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
