if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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