if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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