I checked into jail on foursquare
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
