I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
