I need help removing her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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