I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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