He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
