I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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