i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
