God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
