Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
