What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
