At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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