I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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