Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
