Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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