Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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