Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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