Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
