dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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