recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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