after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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