if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Every concussion has its silver lining
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
