She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
