How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
