one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
