NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
