You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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